If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
