He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
