great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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