I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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