I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
