Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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