After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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