I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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