She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
