I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
