So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Sober January is a disaster.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
