i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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