Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect