Just fell off a train. Bad.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!