I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
Can I color on your dick again?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!