Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa