he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
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Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
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Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.