Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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