that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
