Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
he puts the penis in happiness.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
