That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
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we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
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