girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
it hurts more in the daytime
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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