My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
