Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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