My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
