so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
