TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
