just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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