We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
