His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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