Me too!
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
