yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
