I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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