Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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