i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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