Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
