FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
