I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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