bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
oh god the rape fog is back!
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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