i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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