A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
In America we eat man semen.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
