I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
