tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
