Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
