Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
