a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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