I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
