Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
