Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
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I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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