if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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