The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
