ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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