Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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