did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
