i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
as a side note pls kill me
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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