suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
