I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
