yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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