god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize