I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
