remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
