3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
