Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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