Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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