I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
