just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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