fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
