you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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