Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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