Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
