guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
