I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
