Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
vagina is talking i cant
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
