dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
