so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
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You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
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WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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