I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
