So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
