Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
