hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
